our everyday lives

Hey. How’s your day? Maybe good, maybe bad. In this story, I’d like to share some of my findings, I’ve been through quite a phase. That moment when you’re awake, and, asking yourself, if I had absolute freedom and responsibility of myself, today, what would I do? Or better: how do I live everyday? Some people say “oh, that’s what adults do”. Most “adults” have no idea of what they do.

Here’s how I’ve observed what most adults do.

Nowadays, it’s so cool to be “man, I’m so fucking busy, it’s insane”. Some people live by fear or obligations. The duty filler. The stressed doormat. Whatever you want to call them. They always need the approval of their entourage. They need to prove that they are doing something. They need to reply to what is asked of them by others. They only exist because the others ask them to exist. It is the typical office guy, the typical “obliged parent”. “Oh, you know, I have so many responsibilities, so many bills, that I can’t have a life”. Really? Or is it because you are so afraid of life and never asked yourself the question: “what do I do?” or worse “who am I?”. So you let other people define it for you. I understand, it is scary to be asking that question, alone.

Some people live by pleasure. You know, the pleasure seekers, the clowns, the party animals. I have been quite one. And I still am, when the context is cool. So you drift on life, from pleasure to pleasure, from joy to joy.. but at some points, the joys look all the same. It is the same old dub step party with drunk people. It is the same old “great to be in a cool restaurant and eat great food”. Pleasures dilute and I don’t find sense in them. Sometimes, yes, but not all the time. The “been there, done that” grows pretty fast, especially when you like to live a fast life. Jumping out an airplane? check. Got so high, passed out for two days? check. Diving in exotic islands? check. What’s next? What happens when the confettis wear down? And.. above all, do you really want to put your life in pause between weekends? What if week ends suck? What if the party suck? So your life suck?

Some people live by success. The ultimate achiever, the “I’ve got to be the best”. Truth is, there is no “best” in this world. Maybe for a moment. I tell you a story: the night when you win that competition, everybody thinks you’re the best. You shake hand, say some politically correct shit, laugh politely at some jokes. The next day, you’re the same old you. No smarter, no prettier. A tad richer. So you move on to the next success. And your life is a roller coaster of prices. But I don’t feel fulfilled. Maybe for a moment. But again, the price is great, but why is it kind of fake? What if you’re not the best? You die? You don’t exist?

Some people just… run away. And live secluded. Or travel eternally. It’s kind of sad.

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It’s not easy. Because what society defined for me as “success” and “happiness” is empty and it is not what I want. And, from what I’ve seen from people around me, it is not what they want either. You know: we buy things we don’t need, with the money we don’t have, to impress the people we don’t like. Typical escape plan.

Isn’t the ultimate goal is to live a fulfilled life?

I’ve found fragments of my answers that I’m going to share it here. Maybe it is totally wrong for you, or maybe it resonates with you, you decide.

Do what matters

Kind of different from “do what you love”. Do what you love is kind of tricky, because, what happens on the days when it is hard and you hate what you do? You say “oh, I don’t love what I do” and you give up? Do what matters is different, it is really about “what can I contribute to this community, small or large?” in short: what can I offer people? If you happen to love what you have to offer, it’s great. But otherwise, it doesn’t really matter. It is having a sense of civic duty. That you need to provide for others.

Deciding to matters rid us of self paranoia. The “I am useless” feeling, because… we are actually useful. Being self absorbed is painful because well, we’re all imperfect. You are going to criticise something about yourself, at some point. But contributing meaningfully and being selfless rid you of this too intense self examination and make you feel that you are useful. It also give you things in return, which is pretty awesome.

This is very different from the “busy doormat” because you have observed, analysed, thought and decided that you are actively bringing things and services to others.

Deciding to meaningfully contribute counters the “buying impressive things” trend. It is only because when people think they are not relevant and worthless that they buy things to make them look worthy. Typical social race: “look, I have money, so I must be important!” Sad thing is, the things and money are not you. And people are not impressed. Have you seen some douche bags passing by in fancy cars with loud music? Yes. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it sad? Yes. Deeply, they think they are worthless.

Always evolve

When your friends turn 30, there’s a very funny phenomena: they try to “settle down”. Live somewhere, have a car, have a home, pets, lovers etc… really, being adults. Settle down is kind of a fucked up thing because: one day is like another, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Earn some money, have some fun. And you can see yourself dying, down the road, with days looking all the same. A slow paced life is okay, but a monotonous life is not okay. We trade security for boredom. You wait for holidays or drugged up week ends. Which, ultimately, end up being the same. To break out of this is pretty simple: try new things, have new ideas, read new books, master a new skill. I have noticed lots of “adults” doing always the same thing. Is it fun? I’m not sure. I think if you always do the same thing you go straight in to depression. Humans are made to evolve and learn new things, this is why, when we were kids, life was soooo not boring: everything was new. Can we do that being grown ups?

No professional specialisation

This one is a tricky one. People are obsessed with their careers, today. Why? because we are afraid to be losers. We are afraid to fail, to not matter, to be irrelevant. We live in a society where everybody is a specialist: you fit in ONE role. That’s it. What if you can not fulfil that role perfectly? You’re a loser. Or you drag down life feeling irrelevant. Like you are a failure. It’s like only having one arm to eat and somebody cuts it off. How do you eat? Smashing your head on the plate? It is quite difficult to achieve but it is extremely important to be professionally broad so you can free yourself of the obligation to “succeed”. If one day one thing goes wrong, then, you do the other thing. And vice versa. Two or three professional occupations are amply enough.

An adapted pace

We think everything is money nowadays. Even time. Time is money. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Time is precious. What do you do when you’ve traded all your time for money? Can you spend it? Well.. no, because you have no time. Even when you spend it, you don’t have time to enjoy what you’ve spent. That’s kind of ironic. What if I say we spend less, but have more time to enjoy things, to actually observe and intimately experience things.  So you’re not “stressed out” and feeling that you need to “decompress”. Like, go in the office, take same coke, pump up, pump down. That’s absurd. It’s like being a fucking hamster in your own volition. No, it is to take back your time, take back your decisions, take back your experiences and not try to follow some pace that is not yours. It might cut you back on a few things and on some money. But, imagine that, does it really matter? Is it better to have ten books that you’ve never read or is it better to have two that you’ve spent time reading and practicing? Besides, most cool stuffs are super cheap. I’ve been several times in “chic” restaurant. I hate it. Too fucking formal, too fucking fake. And I’ve paid a fortune.

I’m saying that we need less wealth and more freedom. The ever production is absurd and it’s making even the best among us mad.

 Amend: most important of all: have fun and have a great community

Last but not least, this one is a very important that I wouldn’t need to elaborate. There’s no point in doing this or any thing if it’s not a blast! Gather with great friends, create a great community. There’s no better feeling than creating awesome things while having a awesome time with friends!

EDIT: This story was not meant to be only reflective: I’m going to verify the facts and emotions with people around me and we are going to make a change. There’s no point in thinking if there’s no action. The building of this fulfilled community is the ultimate goal.

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